Friday, January 27, 2012
"P-zing!" The button shot off the waist of my pants, rocketed across the room, ricocheted off a vase and careened off the skull of the dozing In the spastic flurry of pain and surprise, the cat did a double rollover and then laid in a semi-conscious state meowing pitifully. My increasing waistline almost killed. I now knew I had a problem.
After self-analysis, a shirtless fifteen minutes in front of the bathroom mirror sucking it in and then jiggling my belly which included whistling while making my belly-button appear as a tiny mouth, I decided that I needed to change my diet and exercise plan. Being that I have been known to close down a buffet, I took a look at my diet and concluded that my caloric intake suited my active lifestyle of , coaching, marriage and children. After all, a busy sports car like myself burns up fuel. So that left exercise.
So, the first thing I did was sit up. After I caught my breath, I thought some Internet research would be the way to go. Yet, this led to the question, which -inizer device should I purchase. There was a abdominizer, the bunninizer, the flabanizer, the glutomaxinizer and something called a full womanizer; it sounded like something that would hurt, so I stayed away from it. All these devices "targeted" specialized muscles and would build a better body for 20 minutes a day. Reflecting back to my minutes in front of the mirror, I seemed that I would have to buy seven different devices and then work out 140 minutes a day. That seemed a bit extreme.
This was going to take some time. I decided to get a bag a chips and a large glass of cola while I searched for one of those complete gym set ups. I had not even started on the French onion dip when I had a heart attack. The darn things were expensive. I could exercise on my own without spending any money. All I had to do was recall what I did in gym class back in .
There were sit ups, pull ups, jumping jacks, windmills and toe touches. There were all those running games and dodge-ball. I could get some of the red rubber balls and have my chuck them at me. Of course, I would need a cup. I had too many days where a flying ball or sports apparatus interrupted my breathing pattern by hitting me in the groin. I wonder how many calories I could burn when I "walk it off."
So, now I have a plan of the regular, day to day, no cost program from the old school day gym . The next step is to find my gym shoes and the tube socks that went up to just below my knees with the colored strips. If I get up early, I can get to the sporting goods store and find a spot right by the front door. I hate walking from the back of any parking lot.
And as of 2012, I have gotten to the sporting good store several times to buy athletic shoes! Don't say congratulations. I keep buying them for my growing athletic kids. My plan is still not doing so well.